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Showing posts from March, 2017

my struggles in life

    Someone told me the other day, why am I hiding this from my family, and why do I choose to remain anonymous from anyone else? I answered my family wouldn't understand why I'm doing this. The fact that I don't want anyone to see me as autistic, my mom sees that as a stage in my life that should go away in a while. My mom sees me as a 14 year old with high hopes of completing something huge that will never happen for me because of who I am. I hate it when I get treated differently by my WHOLE family just for who I am. So, whenever there's family gatherings, I rather stay inside my room by myself, because that's the way it has been my whole life, and it's going to stay this way until I go to college in another 4 years. Until then, my blogs have been my only way of expressing what I have to share to the whole world, what I can do to make a difference. Right now, there's been lots of complications in my life, I don't understand why it's been going bad

anything but normal

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    I been going through a lot lately, and it's all because of my disability. My family (even cousins, uncles, and aunts) has gone at an all time high of treating me unfairly. I been having emotional break downs lately, crying by myself, thinking what I did wrong to deserve this kind of hate and anger. I did think of one thing during my breakdowns: what is my function in life? I am a good kid, yet people don't see it that way. If I ever become famous in some way, I don't want people to see me as autistic, I want to be seen as normal, without anyone knowing the truth because that's just going to create lots of tension in me. I been doing some research lately on autistic charts and graphs (I know, I was suppose to show them earlier but I been busy in school), but it's not so good, at least to other autistic individuals.     First off, the percentage of individuals that have autism and how they're ranked. I'm ranked at the highest level of this following c

the day it all started

     When you are feeling like no one has your back, like no one understands you, it's hard to gain that confidence back, and unfortunately, that's basically the majority of the days in my life. From family members, to other people, I'm always being discriminated for my disability, despite the fact that I have gotten a 4.0 GPA, my IQ is 133, and I have been tested to reveal that my autistic characteristics are extremely low. These days, however, cannot compare to the middle of 8th grade. I felt like a fool for having autism, I felt like no one would ever see me as superior. This day altered me so much, that if it weren't for that day, I wouldn't even be writing these blogs.     If you have read my previous blogs, you should know that I passed an Honors English test which is the only way that you could make it into that class. Well, around February, the high school counselors were going to go to our school to schedule the students classes, well not the classes itse

more than just a relationship

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    I been hanging out with non-special ed kids for about my whole life right about now, but what about back when I used to be with the special ed kids, in a special ed class? I hadn't been in a special ed class since the first grade, so it's hard to remember all the kids that used to be in that specific class, but I did used to have a best friend, and I also remember this one kid that even goes to my school up to this date, but the rest of the kids are like a distant memory.     Of course I didn't realize the fact that I was in an non-ordinary class back then, but even then the kids didn't like me. I didn't act like both a regular ed or special ed student, I acted my own way. The kids in that class didn't like me, so the teacher had to separate me from them because she was afraid that I was going to get bullied from them! Back then, my disability mainly showed off in the way that I would always want to be running and playing around and yelling, and surely eno