Beyond the label
Accepting myself is one thing, but others accepting you is another. People not accepting me when I was younger greatly lowered my self-esteem, and as a result I didn't accept myself. Others however, didn't care about having a disability, and considered their life as normal. Take my cousin for example, he doesn't really allow others to get in his life, he has friends and family that accepts him. I have neither of that. Others bullied me for something that wasn't my fault, my aunts and uncles which are the worst people in the entire world will make fun of me every single time, so I have to hide in a bedroom or a closet just to save myself the embarrassment, and my friends don't know about my secret. Why does all of this happen, why do people confuse my disability, for a sickness, for a disease, for a temporary phase? It's all because people don't see me beyond my label. People think that autism takes control of me, and it's the same story for everyone else with the disability, but that's not the case. It took me years to realize that I was able to live my own life and steer myself in the life I want, and in today's blog, I'm going to explain how I was able to finally realize this, despite having a slew of obstacles in my path.
When I was about 10 years old, everyone that knew more about me than the average person treated like I was 4. I remember one time my mom took me to her friends house, my mom noticed that her friends glass lamp in the middle of the room was missing, and my mom asked, what happened to it? Her friend answered that she hid it because she didn't want me to destroy it. Everyone had the idea that having this disability meant that I wasn't even like a human being. I felt like an outsider around people that knew about me, and I didn't like it one bit. It was tough just living my normal life, because people around me would always put me down. An obvious example are my aunts and uncles, because they have bullied me like no other person has. Name teasing, jokes, rude comments, and more was all done because they never saw my true personality. I remember once, I was playing video games with another cousin and his dad came in. I was beating him at the game and my uncle commented "wow, you're improving at the game. Why not improve in other areas?" I didn't knew what that meant until now. Another time, my aunt came to my house and I was working on a project. My aunt at one point saw my project and said, "wow, that's a lot the teacher is giving you. I can't believe the special ed classes give you a lot of homework, since you can't do a lot of work." My mom corrected her saying "he's not in special ed classes anymore, for I was in the 5th grade and I mainstreamed in the 1st grade (proof that they don't even care about me to know these kind of things). My aunt added "wait, they can put special ed kids in normal classes." When she said it though, she said it like it was impossible for me to mainstream, like it was the worst thing in the world. All these little improvements that I made over the years, my aunts and uncles saw as a disturbance in their life, because they didn't want me to be like them, and I didn't either. In terms of my personality, I was the sweetest boy anyone could have known. I never really did anything wrong, I was always there for those who needed help, and I was very caring and nice. That was the real me, that was the person that I wish people would see me as rather than a autistic individual. My mom never really tried to see my true personality as well. She saw my downsides to my disability, and tried to fix them. I never really had anyone supportive that accepted me for who I was, and it has stayed that way.
Of course, more people besides my family has not understood me, but I began to know someone who actually saw my full potential. My 6th and 7th grade years were complete trash. Sure, I got many 4.0 GPA's throughout both years, but they didn't really mean much for others. My mom at one point called my 4.0 GPA lucky. My friends did support me in my achievements, but of course they didn't have the final puzzle piece. I was glad that I was able to express my feelings with them whenever I had something bothering me, but I was able to talk beyond my true personal life. I was sad that whenever my aunt or uncle has made fun of me once again, I couldn't talk to my friends about my problems. I told them when we were around the 7th grade that I would always be there when they had any problems and I would always tell them my problems. Turns out, I been lying to them for the past three years now. I was afraid to tell my mom and my sister my own personal problems, because even they would sometimes not understand how I would feel at times. After my eight grade incident with the high school counselors not accepting me into the accelerated English class, I felt like I was just a walking autism since no one saw my true personality. I cried because my personality and achievements didn't matter for anyone, since people only focused on the label. After many months passed, I noticed that someone actually understood me, saw beyond the label, and liked me for my true personality, my 8th grade RSP teacher. He told me a week after the whole high school counselors that I was supposed to get in the class, because I excelled at all the requirements to get in the class. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to put me in the class, so my entry stayed pending. From all my other RSP teachers, he was the first one that I actually liked. Once I stayed after school because I was supposed to stay for tutoring but they cancelled it that day, and I had to wait an hour for my mom to pick me up. I was sitting down on a bench using my phone, and that bench was right next to the RSP teacher's office. He came out the door, said hi to me, and left. Five minutes later, he came back to his room, but as he was about to enter, he told me "I don't think you're supposed to be here. I said "I'm waiting for my mom and I don't know where to go." He then said "why don't you come in my room and wait for your mom in here." I entered his room and I sat down on his table while he was completing some files. As I was sitting down, he told me, school ends in two weeks, are you excited for high school? I said, ya, I guess." Once he finished, he looked at me and said somewhat serious, look, I know things can be rough for you sometimes, but you must stay strong. I know you're going to do well at the high school. He made he realize, I actually had someone that cared about me and saw me for who I really was. I hadn't seen him since the last day of middle school.
That's not to say people never really cared about me. Lots of people saw my full potential and understood my problems. One of my cousins (I have so many, it's hard to keep up) really cares about me and we always talk, hang out, and do fun stuff. He understands when I go through tough times, and gives me advice. He's basically like one of my friends that actually know about my secret. My current RSP teacher that I have known for two years now, is also really nice and supportive. Sure, he's really nice, but he's also pretty old, so their isn't much that he can help me with since we can't relate at all. I just see him as a pretty awesome RSP teacher, nota friend. Another cool thing about high school now is that the teachers are way more supportive now and they really care about my academics, and completely discards the label. Also, my interactions with my aunts and uncles have decreased, so I hadn't been through another bullying scene from them in a quite a time now, which is pretty good. The best thing that has happened to me however, has been writing blogs for you guys. You guys see my full potential and understand what I'm going through. No other person has been able to do that. I'm glad that I have a community that understands me and sees me for who I truly am. I really hate it that many people don't see autistic individuals for who they really are. We do have a personality, we do steer ourselves in any way we want to, because we have a personality. Autism doesn't define us, and people would understand that if they saw me beyond the label.
The end to another blog. I had some difficulties writing a new topic, because I felt like I have written all my problems, stories, and events. But, I was able to brainstorm for a while, and I realized that I still have so many stories to convert to blogs and share to my readers to see what I go through at a daily basis. Their are many stories that I have in the past, and their are also many stories that I will have to go through in the future. Despite of anything, I am ready to face the future, and despite having autism and others seeing it as a bad thing, I am not going to let myself get pushed around because of something that wasn't my fault. I'm going to be the bigger person and fight for my own rights. If you guys enjoyed todays blog, please make sure to leave a comment if you have any opinions, something you want to share out, or anything else. Also, please follow my blog account if you'd want to be early birds and read my blogs before I actually announce them. As always, have a nice day :)
When I was about 10 years old, everyone that knew more about me than the average person treated like I was 4. I remember one time my mom took me to her friends house, my mom noticed that her friends glass lamp in the middle of the room was missing, and my mom asked, what happened to it? Her friend answered that she hid it because she didn't want me to destroy it. Everyone had the idea that having this disability meant that I wasn't even like a human being. I felt like an outsider around people that knew about me, and I didn't like it one bit. It was tough just living my normal life, because people around me would always put me down. An obvious example are my aunts and uncles, because they have bullied me like no other person has. Name teasing, jokes, rude comments, and more was all done because they never saw my true personality. I remember once, I was playing video games with another cousin and his dad came in. I was beating him at the game and my uncle commented "wow, you're improving at the game. Why not improve in other areas?" I didn't knew what that meant until now. Another time, my aunt came to my house and I was working on a project. My aunt at one point saw my project and said, "wow, that's a lot the teacher is giving you. I can't believe the special ed classes give you a lot of homework, since you can't do a lot of work." My mom corrected her saying "he's not in special ed classes anymore, for I was in the 5th grade and I mainstreamed in the 1st grade (proof that they don't even care about me to know these kind of things). My aunt added "wait, they can put special ed kids in normal classes." When she said it though, she said it like it was impossible for me to mainstream, like it was the worst thing in the world. All these little improvements that I made over the years, my aunts and uncles saw as a disturbance in their life, because they didn't want me to be like them, and I didn't either. In terms of my personality, I was the sweetest boy anyone could have known. I never really did anything wrong, I was always there for those who needed help, and I was very caring and nice. That was the real me, that was the person that I wish people would see me as rather than a autistic individual. My mom never really tried to see my true personality as well. She saw my downsides to my disability, and tried to fix them. I never really had anyone supportive that accepted me for who I was, and it has stayed that way.
Of course, more people besides my family has not understood me, but I began to know someone who actually saw my full potential. My 6th and 7th grade years were complete trash. Sure, I got many 4.0 GPA's throughout both years, but they didn't really mean much for others. My mom at one point called my 4.0 GPA lucky. My friends did support me in my achievements, but of course they didn't have the final puzzle piece. I was glad that I was able to express my feelings with them whenever I had something bothering me, but I was able to talk beyond my true personal life. I was sad that whenever my aunt or uncle has made fun of me once again, I couldn't talk to my friends about my problems. I told them when we were around the 7th grade that I would always be there when they had any problems and I would always tell them my problems. Turns out, I been lying to them for the past three years now. I was afraid to tell my mom and my sister my own personal problems, because even they would sometimes not understand how I would feel at times. After my eight grade incident with the high school counselors not accepting me into the accelerated English class, I felt like I was just a walking autism since no one saw my true personality. I cried because my personality and achievements didn't matter for anyone, since people only focused on the label. After many months passed, I noticed that someone actually understood me, saw beyond the label, and liked me for my true personality, my 8th grade RSP teacher. He told me a week after the whole high school counselors that I was supposed to get in the class, because I excelled at all the requirements to get in the class. Unfortunately, he didn't know how to put me in the class, so my entry stayed pending. From all my other RSP teachers, he was the first one that I actually liked. Once I stayed after school because I was supposed to stay for tutoring but they cancelled it that day, and I had to wait an hour for my mom to pick me up. I was sitting down on a bench using my phone, and that bench was right next to the RSP teacher's office. He came out the door, said hi to me, and left. Five minutes later, he came back to his room, but as he was about to enter, he told me "I don't think you're supposed to be here. I said "I'm waiting for my mom and I don't know where to go." He then said "why don't you come in my room and wait for your mom in here." I entered his room and I sat down on his table while he was completing some files. As I was sitting down, he told me, school ends in two weeks, are you excited for high school? I said, ya, I guess." Once he finished, he looked at me and said somewhat serious, look, I know things can be rough for you sometimes, but you must stay strong. I know you're going to do well at the high school. He made he realize, I actually had someone that cared about me and saw me for who I really was. I hadn't seen him since the last day of middle school.
That's not to say people never really cared about me. Lots of people saw my full potential and understood my problems. One of my cousins (I have so many, it's hard to keep up) really cares about me and we always talk, hang out, and do fun stuff. He understands when I go through tough times, and gives me advice. He's basically like one of my friends that actually know about my secret. My current RSP teacher that I have known for two years now, is also really nice and supportive. Sure, he's really nice, but he's also pretty old, so their isn't much that he can help me with since we can't relate at all. I just see him as a pretty awesome RSP teacher, nota friend. Another cool thing about high school now is that the teachers are way more supportive now and they really care about my academics, and completely discards the label. Also, my interactions with my aunts and uncles have decreased, so I hadn't been through another bullying scene from them in a quite a time now, which is pretty good. The best thing that has happened to me however, has been writing blogs for you guys. You guys see my full potential and understand what I'm going through. No other person has been able to do that. I'm glad that I have a community that understands me and sees me for who I truly am. I really hate it that many people don't see autistic individuals for who they really are. We do have a personality, we do steer ourselves in any way we want to, because we have a personality. Autism doesn't define us, and people would understand that if they saw me beyond the label.
The end to another blog. I had some difficulties writing a new topic, because I felt like I have written all my problems, stories, and events. But, I was able to brainstorm for a while, and I realized that I still have so many stories to convert to blogs and share to my readers to see what I go through at a daily basis. Their are many stories that I have in the past, and their are also many stories that I will have to go through in the future. Despite of anything, I am ready to face the future, and despite having autism and others seeing it as a bad thing, I am not going to let myself get pushed around because of something that wasn't my fault. I'm going to be the bigger person and fight for my own rights. If you guys enjoyed todays blog, please make sure to leave a comment if you have any opinions, something you want to share out, or anything else. Also, please follow my blog account if you'd want to be early birds and read my blogs before I actually announce them. As always, have a nice day :)
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